Transitions

This is a tough post to write. Exactly 12 months ago, I found the most amazing nonprofit to work with. And this month is the month that we part ways. It's been a most amazing experience being a part of something so engaging on so many levels. In many ways, this organization represents exactly what nonprofits should be like. Dedicated, visionary, agile and honest. But as time went on, I fell further behind in my abilities to implement the millions of great ideas that came flying at me, from me, and those that were most aggressive and yelled loudest often got their way at the cost of others, with no small taint of immaturity. I'm sorry to see the homespun branch that Erika and I started morph into something so different, but it is both for the better and worse, and I have a feeling that while I won't part with any real animosity, things will never be as Pollyannic and optimistic as they once were - changing the world by listening a little harder to the universe.

I am extremely lucky to have a short amount of time to reflect on things before I commit to any one thing. It's a treasured moment to breathe and reclaim a life that I had all but sacrificed for an organization that I lived, breathed and even dreamt about. It will be difficult to find something as worthy and satisfying as it was working for Iridescent but now I can take with me the clarity of knowing what makes me tick, what I find most satisfying and set new boundaries that I wasn't equipped to set this past year.

Part of me is tempted to go back to the comfort, structure and support that I found in corporate life. The stability was there but the opportunities for growth really were not, and that made me shrivel up and die after a few years. And I had amazing managers who did crazy things like letting me work from the Geneva office for a month to study World Trade. I will never forget their kindness and heartfelt belief in me.

Here, working with children and parents was so rewarding and heartwarming, but truth be told - the education sector is one of the most difficult and complicated to navigate. I believe it to be an uphill battle laden with precarious mines and dense structures that don't function correctly. The only thing that made this fun (aside from the wonderful people) was the purity of high level science and technology - an area that I have enough experience to understand and enough faith in to advocate for.

Bouncing around my head are a few guilty pleasures that I've always wanted to try out. But then again can we really chase frivolous dreams at 31? I am tempted to make a living working in the travel/hospitality sector - an area that I truly understand inside and out. But if I listen close enough, I undoubtedly hear my heart belongs in NYC and I want to stay here for the next decade, soaking up all that I missed and longed for the last dozen years on the west coast. And hopefully finding something suitable in the meanwhile, for every gap currently present. I am, in all senses, available.

Another element that is crucial to me is finding a place where I have peers. As rewarding as it was working with the underserved, the underserved ended up being all the people that I met! Though there is nothing intrinsically wrong with that, it creates a dynamic of giver and receiver. As boring as I-Bankers and Stock Analysts are.. those are technically my peers. I'm going to have to think about this a little more.

One of the nagging thoughts in the back of my mind is to finally start my own nonprofit. I've wanted to for a very long time, and I have some champions encouraging me. But I have to find the right niche, both for me and this city. Wish me luck, as I step into this new chapter with as much bravery as I can muster.